Two ways to ask the question

Pay attention to the way that you ask a question. There are two ways, using exactly the same words, which carry completely different motives. By paying attention to the way you ask the question, you can double check your motives, which helps keep you on the right track.

Why are there only men at the upper levels of my company!!!

Why are there only men at the upper levels of my company???

The first question demonstrates frustration and anger, foot stamping at the way things are. Whenever you ask a question with this motive, perhaps you're not really looking for an answer. Perhaps your main motive is to rale against the world, shaking your virtual fists at invisible enemies. It doesn't get you very far.

The second question, however, demonstrates a genuine curiosity, a thoughtful wonder at the way things are. Whenever you ask a question with this motive, you are actually asking for an answer. If you ask the second question of another person, you might gain some insight. If you ask the second question thoughtfully, inwardly, you might gain some insight as well, from your intuition.

Intuition comes to you through your heart. Ideas occur, fully formed. It may take some time to put words around the idea, to explore the nuances, but it's all there, ready for your contemplation.

Are there mostly men at the top levels of your company? Why do you think that might be?

I've pondered this question, and the answer that comes to me is that men do business differently than women. Or to put that another way, women do business differently than men.

Network marketing is a field predominately composed of women. Look around at any of your conventions or training meetings; are there mostly men or women sitting around you? And then looking up at the stage, are there mostly men or women sitting up there?

The techniques that we learn in network marketing are changing; the industry is becoming more and more solidly structured around relationships. Rather than handing out 20 brochures to strangers every day and hoping someone will call you back, we're finding that what really works is to call up a friend and sit down and have chat over a cup of tea. Relationships.

So why are there more men at the top levels of your company? Because women are starting to come into our own, and we're doing it by discovering what works for us. We're changing the structure of network marketing a step at a time, which is our nature. Because we're gentle and caring and nurturing; because we include others in our success; because we embrace a balanced life.

We're getting to the top levels of our companies. Things are changing. Look how much things have changed in the last 20 years. Think about how much things will change in the next 20 years.

None of that would have occurred to me if I had demanded Why are there so many men at the top levels of these companies!!! I would have continued on, frustrated and angry, never getting any answers.

I know a lot more now, because my motive has shifted. I'm happier now, not because I've learned to be content with what I have, but because I'm content with the journey that is taking me where I want to go. It's all about the journey; the goal is simply what happens along the way.

Three Steps to Handling Objections

It can be hard to know what objection a friend is going to raise when you start to talk with her about network marketing. You can know a lot about the people with whom you spend time, but you probably don't know everything.

Perhaps you have a clue as to why she might think it's a bad idea, so you can be better prepared, but she still might surprise you with something that's stirring around deeper in her gut.

And, you're going to want to talk to a lot of people, not just those few people that you know really, really well.

So, the point is, how can you possibly have a ready reply for the dozens of possible objections that your friend might raise during your chat over tea?

Well, you could memorize a bunch of responses that you heard that made sense to you and then go into jukebox mode with the correct replay when your friend pushes one of the prepared key combinations. But there's an easier way, a way that is natural and stress free.

Open your heart and really listen to what your friend is saying. Let her say it all. Once it's spilled out of her mouth, it won't be bouncing around on the inside of her skull, bashing up her dreams of what could be. Listening also gives her the chance to get to her true objection, so you'll be able to talk about what's really going on underneath.

Once you know her real objection, you simply follow three easy steps:
1. I know how you feel.
2. I used to feel that way too.
3. This is what I found out.

So simple.

What you're really doing is:
1. You connect with her.
2. You stand on her side of the argument, shoulder to shoulder.
3. You point out an alternative based on your own experience.

"I hate everything about network marketing."

"I know, I know. I used to hate it, too. But a friend that I really trusted told me some things that I hadn't known before, and I decided to research it a little bit. What I learned is that network marketing is the best business, ever, for women like you and me."

Match her energy. If she speaks softly and off-handedly throws it off, then you speak softly and set it gently back on the table. If she glares at you and throws words at you, widen your eyes and grin hugely, while you enthusiastically tell her "I know!!! I know!!! I used to hate it, too!!! But I couldn't BELIEVE it when a friend that I really trusted. . . ."

It's simple. Open your heart, listen, 1,2,3, match her energy.

Then your jukebox can sit there and softly hum the background music, which is what it's there for anyway.

I hope you're having an amazing day.

Did you learn how to walk?

Sometimes when we don't get it right, we think, "Oh, I'm not good at this." "I wasn't cut out for this." "This isn't for me." We're tempted not to try again. It's too hard.

Have you ever watched a parent encourage a child to walk? Have you ever watched a child learn to walk? The child rolls over onto all fours and scoots her butt up in the air and tries to balance and stand up. Oops! Over she topples.

She crawls over to the couch and uses the edge of the seat cushion to pull herself up. She teeters, then steadies. She tromps along and eventually can let go of the couch and balance on her own. Oops! Over she goes.

Have you ever heard a parent say "Well, I guess you're just not a walker. . . "

What if the child just gave up? She'd have to learn to live with not being able to move from here to there, to reach the thing she wants to pick up. She'd live a diminished life.

When you're learning network marketing, practicing is what makes you learn how to do it.

By practicing, I mean actually talking with people. If you're sitting in your living room thinking about how you're not sure what to do or who to talk to, that's not practicing. That's sitting on your butt wishing you knew how to walk.

Come up with a strategy that you think will interest a specific person and then try it. Learn from it. Talk to the next person. Learn from it. Talk to the next person. Learn.

You will get to the point of ease and enjoyment that you're sitting wishing you had now. But wishing doesn't make it so.

Practice makes it so.

Imagine what it would be like if you never learned to walk.

Imagine what it would be like if you practiced talking to enough people that they started to listen to you, intrigued.

Did you learn to walk?

You can learn this, too.

solution consciousness

Our culture teaches us to closely examine things that are going wrong, so we can learn from them. But I've found that the more you focus on what's wrong, the bigger it gets.

Instead of focusing on the problem (problem consciousness), focus on solutions.

I've talked with people who insist on describing in rich detail why a particular option won't work. They tell me the history of everything leading up to the situation, the nuances that make the problem important and interesting, the players involved that complicate the possibility of solutions.

Ignore all that. Sure, the problem exists. Sure, circumstances led you there. But look forward. What would change the situation? What would you love to do about it? Where would you like to be with this situation, instead of where you now are?

You can try writing down solutions. At first they might be far fetched, but if you can get those down on paper, they are no longer cluttering up your mind. Keep listing solutions, and pretty soon, sensible possibilities start to show up. One of them will lighten your heart.

Sometimes you need someone else to help you with this. Sometimes when you're in a dark hole, the best way to climb out is if a friend reaches in and pulls you out. Then you can both move forward, away from the hole.

But the best thing you can do is refuse to think about the problem and how you got there, and focus on how you're going to move forward.

Positive attitude. It works miracles.

They have to love you back

Back in my dating days, I was open to all kinds of ways to meet men. I liked being in a relationship, the companionship. I was actively looking for someone with whom I could share my life.

We all have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince. I met guys for coffee. I went to dinner with them. I ran into them at bars. I kept telling myself that if this guy were in a comfortable relationship, he wouldn't be this nervous; he wouldn't be this fragile. I tried to see the real person behind the don't-know-you-from-Adam facade. I tried to be as open and as accommodating as possible. I decided to give each guy at least two chances, 2 dates. Sometimes I went on as many as 10 dates with a guy before I'd finally accept the fact that this was not a good fit.

Then I met a guy who was crazy about me. That's when I finally realized that no matter how accommodating, no matter how patient, no matter how attentive I was, if the guy didn't love me back, it wasn't going to work.

Prospects are like guys. They have to love you back, or it isn't going to work.

What I mean is that you can't accommodate someone into the business. If you do all the work, you're always going to be doing all of the work. You're always going to feel inadequate and frustrated.

We are actively looking for people with whom we can share our businesses, our products. By all means, handle the objections. Find out their why. Qualify them. But at some point they have to start moving toward you, or they're just going to feel harried.

Connect with people. Find out what makes someone tick. Be sincere. Be real. But if they don't respond, move on. There are so many people out there waiting to here about your opportunity, and if you spend all of your time and energy harrying the few that you really really really want to join you, even though they're not interested, you'll miss the chance to find the ones that will love you back.

So get out there and start talking to the frogs. You will find princes.

fear

There are three things you can do when you're feeling afraid.

1. You can endure the fear. You can go through your day and endure that tight feeling in your gut. You can simply decide to wait it out.
2. You can quit. You can decide that you're not going to do this anymore, and simply walk away from it.
3. You can take action. You can face your fear and do something about it.

Taking action moves the energy and changes the emotion of fear into something else. You come out stronger on the other side. You take control of the situation.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to approach a colleague about my MLM business. I've talked to hundreds of people, given presentations, trained others; you'd think that I would have worked through this particular fear by now. But this colleague is a highly trained professional, and I found that I was a little intimidated by her. She might think MLM is beneath her. She might think less of me.

I remembered that my fear existed only inside my head. As long as I didn't let anyone else, especially my colleague, know that I was afraid, I could regain control of my fear and take action. The way I could disguise my fear would be through my body language.

So I squared my shoulders, calmed my face and heart, and walked into her office. We chatted for a while about an ongoing project, and when we were finished, I made sure I was facing her directly, looked her calmly in the eye, and asked her if she had 5 minutes for a non-work conversation. She said sure. And then I asked her what she knew about network marketing.

I've decide not to use subterfuge, or pretend there isn't an elephant in the room. This always makes people wary, and I just don't like going through that charade. Straight forwardness makes people feel better and allows them to respond openly and honestly.

We talked enthusiastically for about 5 minutes, and she gave me her private email address. I gave her some printed information, then later entered her into my team's management system. She'll be receiving, automatically, detailed information over the next few weeks, and I'll check in with her next week to see where she's at.

We've started the conversation, easily, honestly, and without my fear being a factor in any way. It doesn't matter whether she signs on or not. What does matter is that I've found a way to get past my fear: body language. It's given me the advantage that lets me take action and not be crippled before I start.

What's your fear? How can you move past it?

Practice where it's easier. My colleague is a kind, friendly woman, and I knew she wouldn't blast me. It was an easy place to start.

One of the most important things you can learn is that you don't have to be afraid of being afraid. It's just an emotion, and you can conquer it. The way to conquer it is to TAKE ACTION.

What's your fear? How can you move past it?

Practice with a friend. Ask them to watch your body language and tell you what you do when you're acting fearful, confident, joyful. Adopt the body language that reflects what you want to feel, and your emotion will shift toward that feeling, away from fear.

YOU CAN DO IT. All you have to do is take action.

I hope you're having an amazing day.

Things you hate to do

One of the essential keys to time management is to identify the one thing on your todo list that you most DO NOT WANT TO DO, and then do that thing first.

When you have a task awaiting you that you dislike, or fear, or feel is beneath you for whatever reason, it tends to prey on your mind. You think about it; you think about how much you hate/fear/resent the task. You do it over and over again, in your mind, without making any progress. It eats up your energy and your enthusiasm and your ambition.

If you simply go ahead and do it FIRST, then it's done. You've only had to do it one time, and it's over with. The rest of the day seems brighter and lighter and easier. You're ahead of the game.

Yesterday, my husband tried to coax me into cleaning out our fishpond with him. This is an annual task, so it doesn't come around that often, and usually when it does start edging into our consciousness, it's me who coaxes him into undertaking the task.

I also should tell you that the fish pond was my idea in the first place. When we first moved into our place, we had a wonderful blank canvas for our front yard: dirt and cement. Or, I should say, soil and concrete. I talked my husband into helping me dig a big hole in the hard clay, line it with a gigantic sheet of black plastic, and haul flagstones and water lilies from the garden supply store to our driveway and place them strategically in the perfect spot. A little to the left. Hhhmm. . . a little to the right. . .

Ten years later, the pond is still the bright spot of our front yard. But every year it needs to be emptied, hosed clean, and refilled. Every year I coax him to help me, and every year it does.

This year, I did not want to touch the thing. My attention was focused elsewhere. I had calls to make; I had emails to write; I had new material to print out and organize; I was a busy lady. When he mentioned the pond, I came up with a dozen reasons why we should postpone it. It was foggy and cold; there were too many other things I wanted to get done; my sister and niece were coming by for a visit; we also had to wash the van, and no one should have to do two icky jobs in one day. Quite an impressive list, no?

But then I just decided to cooperate and get the thing done. We actually had gotten an early start to the day, and there would be plenty of time for the calls, emails, printing, organizing in the afternoon. So we started.

As soon as we focused on the pond, my whole attitude changed. I love working side by side with my husband. We don't get to spend much time together with our busy careers, and every minute with him is a treat. I love to garden, and rarely have the opportunity to spend the time to transform our front yard from neglected chaos to orderly beauty. The weather was perfect for this job. We were able to rearrange the teetering flagstones along the edge next to the fence. The fish were SO happy to have clean water flowing through their gills. They raced around, gleefully. The pond looked beautiful. And my sister and niece walked through the gate as the pond was filling and oooed and aahhed on cue.

And the rest of my day was brighter and cleaner and completely care free.

So when you make your list of things to do today, identify the one thing that you most do not want to do, and then do it. You'll feel better. Then find the next thing on your list that you most do not want to do, and do it. The day will start to get better and better. Your life will start to get better and better.

Make those calls. Send those emails. Set up those lunch meetings and dinner presentations. Take charge of your life. The energy will carry you along. Create your amazing business. You CAN do it.

Conventions

My team just returned from our annual company convention. This time of year always brings greater enthusiasm and commitment to everyone participating. Being surrounded by thousands of people who love network marketing, love the product, love meeting people, love helping people. . . an immersion of kindred souls learning and exploring together.

Exciting announcements; inspiring speakers; informative presentations. . . never, never, never miss your annual convention.

During convention, you change on a cellular level. You realize that other people are having a great time creating a business and a lifestyle that they've always dreamed about. You realize that you are on your way to that same dream.

Coming home, you're thrown back into the day-to-day, and your commitment and confidence can slip away. Don't let that happen! Remember the feeling that you had at convention; relive it just like you would relive a great date or a fabulous vacation. Dwell on the moments that spoke to you on a deep level. Make them your own.

And set some goals! Your new-found enthusiasm will carry you along for a good long while, but focus that momentum and it will take you even further. Write down your goals to empower them and empower yourself.

You can do this. You can create an amazing business that will be everything that you want it to be.